England's Yuppie Witch Drops In From Above
Sun Herald
Saturday June 23, 1990
ONCE upon a time, witches wore long black robes, carried black cats and flew on broomsticks.
But the modern London witch wears red braces, carries a cellular phone and flies around by helicopter.
John Ruse, known as "The yuppie witch of Essex", is a glowing example of the species. Dripping with gold jewellery, Ruse is surrounded by the totems of the yuppie-from his computer keyboard to his cellular phone.
When he needs to get in contact with the world he naturally sends out faxes. He hasn't yet worked out how to fax the spirit world - but he's working on it.
Even his flowing golden locks are now de rigeur with London's wheeling and dealing set.
Last week Ruse proved witches are up to date by flying his helicopter to Stonehenge, despite the four-mile exclusion zone set up by police to prevent Druids, witches and New Age travellers celebrating the summer solstice at the ancient sun temple.
There was nothing haphazard or even faintly mysterious about Ruse's Stonehenge trip. He hired a helicopter for $1,800, filed the flight-path and even printed "I've Been To Stonehenge" T-shirts weeks before the June solstice.
"It seemed a shame after 4,000 years there shouldn't be any of us there,"he said.
John flew his helicopter to Stonehenge as planned, then got out expecting crowds of reporters. When they didn't appear, naturally, being a yuppie, he videoed the scene himself. He then took off, flew around the stones several times, anti-clockwise of course, then went off home. The police, reportedly highly amused, just watched the whole thing.
Until 1984, free festivals attracting as many as 30,000 people were held on the land around Stonehenge. However, the National Trust decided to ban the festivals because archaeological sites were being damaged.
Ever since, there have been confrontations between police and colourful bands of hippies, travellers and Druids.
By day Ruse is a vintage car parts dealer in Canvey Island, once a favoured Rockers' stamping ground.
But that's just a front, because really he is an active member of the Coven of Earth Magic, a group of witches spurned by the crystal ball, incense and long black robe set who say they are far too vulgar.
They might be vulgar, but they're disturbingly successful. They first hit the headlines when they decided to lay a spell against the Channel Tunnel rail link which, if all goes to plan, will bisect the Kent-based coven's territory
But the link may never get built because ever since the Coven of Earth Magic hexed them, Euro Tunnel, which is trying to build the Channel Tunnel, has been in serious financial trouble.
Coven members claimed another success when they worked a spell against Prince Charles, when he was planning to build a town of architecturally-sound buildings at Dorchester.
The witches had different ideas and left a talisman to ward off Princely developments. Prince Charles' office has since announced a major scaling down of the development.
Their most spectacular success was the thwarting of a ski-jump proposed at Hastings, on the Sussex coast.
The coven claimed there was a barrow where ancient witches had been buried on the site of the proposed ski-jump. Archaeologists said there was no such thing and the development was cleared.
Naturally that didn't stop the Coven of Earth Magic. Quicker than you can say "Eye of Newt", they laid a particularly powerful spell to ward off ski-jump developers.
So nobody should have been surprised when the bulldozers turned up a grave of anthrax-ridden cows, smack bang in the middle of the ski-jump site.
Under government policy, anthrax-infected cows are usually burnt. But these cows died during World War II and it was decided a pile of burning cow carcasses on the coast at Hastings would have provided a God-sent beacon for the German Luftwaffe. The cows were rapidly reburied and the developers went back to the drawing board.
The Coven of Earth Magic went on to more ambitious ventures, the latest being an exorcism of the poll tax which involved burning effigies of Margaret Thatcher and the mayor and local MP for Eastbourne.
Unfortunately, Mr Ruse could not attend with a clear conscience and sent his apologies. You see, he really is a yuppie - and a genuine Thatcher supporter.
© 1990 Sun Herald
